Create your survivor

http://innawoods.net/

Alright, we can do this in multiple scenarios. Some of them are gonna be group based, but for starters lets just go solo.

Scenario 1:

The world is over. Oh noes! You are where you are currently, and there is no established government. There is nobody coming to help you because your neighbors are assholes or dead or both.. we must meet up at the Hooters in Las Vegas, and oceans are like portals, you can enter the ocean and end up in America, that way we don't need to find boats. So supposing you're headed to Las Vegas, what will you bring?

I think I'll make it to hooters without having to carry too much stuff... :)




As you can see I expect to hurt myself because I drink and get the munchies and hurt myself at night, but at least I can see what I'm doing. I figure 30kg of stuff is really enough stuff to be carrying...thats a lot of random stuff to have to carry around but they didn't have like a "pack up your SUV" option lol

Using that website and cross-checking it with things I could get right now from my house I have:


Edit: but judging from Rahv's post ninja'ing me I'm doing it wrong :')

I like this new clause of what you can find in the house... i'll be redoing mine when I wake up :)

Sirpwn has thrown us into hard mode on day one and I love it.

Edit: Snuck this in before bed... things confirmed around my house that I should grab when we're going to hooters.

You guys can feel free to make up some scenarios to throw in here :)

Scenario 2:

We had a HO meetup at Hooters in Las Vegas and we gotta get home to save our loved ones, so in this scenario I'm gonna go with things I may accidentally have on me at Hooters and be able to loot from Hooters before we leave. What kind of things do you think you would just randomly have on you PLUS what you can loot from hooters that will help you get home?


Finished weight 7.89kg

Let's just say Hooters isn't exactly the ideal end-of-days compound.. I couldn't find jack that they'd have to help me on my quest to get home to save my family

Total weight: 13.22

Okay I think I went a bit overboard with this one

this is my unrealistic guy

gotta keep you cool guys alive



this is my stuff from around the house (not all of it is mine)

Heres mine

Day 1:

I woke up at home and had to go to the park for a stupid birthday party for someone I barely know. Off in other parts of the world there are shits and fans, and they are trying to mate with each other much to everyone's dismay, but I don't know anything about that. All I know is I have to stop playing GTA 5 and go to this park where there are people partying and acting a fool. I will not be partied to that type of tomfoolery.

Here is what I have to survive the birthday party.

Total weight 0.84


Day 2: 

I'm waking up, and I'm takin' my morning poop and I'm reading the news on my phone and smoking a cigarette as is par for the course every morning. I'm seeing that the Gov't is reopening, and Miley Cyrus is at it again with her nude wrecking ballness, something about superdisease in africa again, and Kanye claims himself to be more of a Rap God than Eminem.

To heck with that noise though, my cigarette is done and I'm done poopin so it's time to get dressed for a camping trip. I'll be staying at a State Park where they have some of the essentials to make surviving in the wild considerably less wild. I may try to do some illegal hunting while there, make some squirrel stew.

I can use the water at the campground to make my food, so all I'll need is a thermos for transporting water momentarily. I can also drink outta the spigot. I also chose matches over a lighter, matches are great for lighting fires...lighting a fire with a zippo is bothersome.

Also, got my trusty marker.

What will I need for 2 nights?

Total weight 19.5


Day 3: 

I spent all of the last night setting up camp and making it the perfect chillin spot, I ate half of my beef jerky for breakfast and had some tea. I'm going to go hunting, but i'm going to leave some of my stuff back at the camp because who needs to lug that stuff around all day?

I tried to read the news this morning while taking a poop but I can't get any reception out here. That's alright, I'm sure Eminem is taking care of that Lil Wayne problem just fine.

Also, last night was hella dark. I shoulda brought a flash light.

Off hunting!


I came back with 3 invisible squirrels and a bunch of branches which should make for good firewood. I can't wait to make some stew!

I was also attacked by a link to this picture, but it caused no damage but it left a scar for quick minute.

I also found half a thing of bug spray out in the woods, its kinda rusty and looks like it's been pee'd on, but the bugs were getting to me something fierce and it was as if God himself presented me with the solution. Thank God. Also, Thanks God for making squirrels invisible, that made this stew easy to get. YOU EVER TRY TO SKIN AN INVISIBLE ANIMAL? I can't tell if my knife is in its mouth or its butt but judging by the smell...

I burn my branches, make soup, and put the last bit of soup in my thermos before settling down for the night. Also, I bury the invisible squirrel bodies and wash out my pot, that way a bear doesn't maul me to death in my sleep.

Day 4:

I wake up feeling refreshed, I polish off my beef jerky and start breaking camp. For those who don't go outside, breaking camp is where you take your stuff down and pack it up and head on out. But first, I gotta sneak off to take a dump and smoke a cigarette and check the news.

Still no reception, surprise surprise. So I sit there and listen to the sounds of birds, and smell my burning cigarette, and within moments I'm done poopin and done packin, and I'm walkin to the ranger station to use their phone so I can call for my ride home. 

I approach the ranger station to find the door kicked off the hinges, and the ranger gutted and hanging from his entrails from one of the supports in the rafters. His limp naked body hung there, drops of blood dripping from his lifeless fingertips as he spins slowly in the breeze.

Wtf... I run to his phone and lift the receiver but there's no sound coming through. Bloody footprints lead out the back of the cabin and I decide that a ballsier person would follow them but that's just not my style. Instead, I snuck back out the front door and snuck to the ranger's truck, climbing in and keeping my head down while I evaluate what to do. I find stuff in the truck that might help me out somehow.



Alright, let's explain what's going on with the inner details of my eq. I'm down to half a pack of smokes. My phone has a crazy long battery life somehow, but its dying now. I've got 47 dollars in my wallet. The medipack seems to have some bandages, pain killers, 2 bottles of water, and a flare. I dunno why there's a flare in there, probably just a convenient place to put stuff. I started out with 200 matches, i'm down to 180-ish because I've had bad luck at starting fires with this wood. There's something not right with it.

I also recently found a hatchet, which is handy for a survivalist like me. I suggest you read Hatchet by Gary Paulson, it is a good read and shows how you can live off the land after a plane crash using only a hatchet. Having read that book, I feel confident that I could survive with only a hatchet. That's handy.

I'm also down to half my ammo, I started out with 50, and I'm down to 47 because I have deadly aim. This is also a true story, I was in the NRA and passed the entrance exam like 8 times one summer as part of summercamp. I can't shoot shit with any big guns, but give me a good ol wooden .22 and ima beaaaast.

Armed with the confidence of a hatchet, I decide right now is still not the time to go after a psychpath, now is the time to GTFO this park but first I gotta find these damn keys. I sneak back inside and steal the Ranger's clothes. The psychopath that killed him stripped him naked before doing the deed, so his clothes are clean in a pile in the corner and the keys are naturally attached to a beltloop, but damned if I'm gonna stand around in a campground place thing fumbling with car keys in a room with a dead guy when the psycho might come back at any point. Best just to take all his clothes and run back to the truck quietly.

Thankfully the truck was a hyrbrid truck, like a Prius truck, so its quiet as a mufugh. Me and my environmentally friend truck get our asses outta Dodge as if Ford was comin' to town. That's a car joke, and I actually don't understand cars or car politics, so I probably messed it up. Perhaps we have a car person here who can tell me if I did it right?


My handwriting on a trackpad with a sweaty finger has improved, yaaaay. I blame that old hobby of mine, I still want pretty handwriting now even doe I'm a retired gangsta.

Anyway, on with the damn story. Ya'll got me rantin like old days. This is already gonna take like 5 minutes to read. So where was I? Oh yes, I just snuck my ass outta that forest cuz there's a crazy man there.

I pull over and cry. I just went on a nice camping trip, and it ended with the park ranger hanging from his guts from the rafters of a state park. And for some reason, my first response was still his clothes and car and everything he owns and run away? That's rude. I am now down to half a roll of toilet paper from all this crying..

I start the prius truck back up and carry on like the gangsta I am, when the radio in the truck chimes in: "Affirmative. Kill all guests on site. All guests must be terminted. Don't harm the park representatives though, that would be a lot of extra paperwork." so I rifle around in truck looking for a uniform so as to go incognito as a park ranger. I find one and BAM!!! I hit a tree. Fuck. My head is now bleeding, and head wounds look really bad. I bleed all over my current clothes, and how fortunate is it that I just found new clothes? So after bandaging my head, and changing my clothes I'm like a whole new man! I use my hatchet to dig a hole nearby and I bury my bloody clothes. I can't bury my bloody boots though. When did I get blood on those? Musta been a bad head wound.



My stomach felt bad, so I polished off last night's soup that I had in my thermos hoping that a little protein would help me. For that matter, I also ate one bite, about 1/5 of my protein bar.

I felt kinda better. I tried my phone, now that I was less in the middle of nowhere, and I had bars which was a success!

I tried my wife.
No answer.
I tried my mom. 
No answer.
I tried level.
>Hello?
Hello?
>Rahvin?
LEVEL? OMG YOU NEVER PICK UP YOUR PHONE. EVER. This is the first time...ever...
>I'd say yolo but shit is fucking fucked up right now
>Hello?
Sorry, I have bad reception, did you say you're really fucked up right now?
>No! Zombies have come and taken all the booty!
What?! Zombies? That's so stereotypical!
>Ok, well they're not zombies like zombie zombies, 
>they're like their own zombie thing there in Africa. Thanks Obama.
>I guess this zombie bug just causes people to go bat shit for a few hours a night
>then they go back to normal
>Repeat 
Hm. Are you somewhere safe? Can I call you back in a minute? 
>yeah im safe for now
I love you

I hung up the phone without waiting for a reply. Jesus God Christ Fudgey Stuff.

If the perp is only crazy for a few minutes, then I should go back and find wtf happened back there.. Chances are the crazy person is no longer crazy

It's a long trip back to the Ranger station, and according to all Discovery survival shows ever, I should probably stick with the car...unless A) It isn't going to be found or B) Its going to be found with you in it with bloody stuff everywhere and guns you shouldn't have.

Discovery never covered part B but I'm going to assume the best way to handle this is to flee the scene. 

I go about 3 miles away and have a cold quiet uneventful night.

Day 5:


I wake up, walk out into the woods, hatchet a hole, and take a poop. Thankfully this is also uneventful, except I'm down to like 5 cigarettes after yesterday. What will happen with my morning poop when I'm out of cigarettes?

Let's take stock of what I have:
Looks like it hasn't changed, except now i have less stuff in my med kit, and only 4/5 of my protein bar. That is now gone for breakfast, and that's not enough to warrant a new picture. 

Time to get to work.

I head back to the Ranger station and get there by midday, the body is still swinging in the breeze, it is now bloated and saggy and dark purple. An acrid smell fills the air and there is a pile of bile on the floor. The footprints still lead out the back, but they have turned black as the iron in the blood oxidized fully.

I follow the footprints and guess where they lead? They lead to my camp.

Spoiler:

I approach my old camp, where none of my stuff is anymore cuz I'm carrying it, and guess who I see?

MY BEST BUDDY IN THIS WORLD.
Level.

OH EM GEE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>fuck. you.
What? 
>you said you'd call me back in a minute
>when you
>didn't call back
>i assumed
>the worst
Oh shit, I'm sorry man :( I forgot.
>o
>well, i cleaned up your mess
What mess?
>all those bloody footprints?
....
...
Level, I think I've been infected. 
>waht
I noticed the squirrels I killed were really too easy, I think they were infected and I ate them and became infected..
>that would explain
>all those bloody footprints
>i 
>tried to clean them all up
And you did a great job..
What do we do from here?
>i dont want you to kill me
I don't want to kill you.
>kk
>welp
Welp, lets make some rope to tie me down

So we minecrafted some rope and set up camp.

Night 5: Brokeback mountain + ropes


Day 6:


Last night we used up the zip tie, all of our minecrafted rope, 2 glow sticks, and my cellphone.

Also, this morning I crapped out all the brokeback mountain while smoking my last cigarette. Seemed fitting in this new world. 

Level explains that he stole his mom's bf's credit card and came here to save me from myself. What a pal. We should completely forget about his family back home, and go save my family cuz that's fair right?

We skip down the road, stopping every once in a while to draw a hopscotch board and play a few rounds. Good times were had by all :)

More on the way, gonna go dream of brokeback mounting level.

Level, you should make dat survivor so I can base my next choices off what you chose. You can still feel free to have your own character and storyline unrelated to mine, but it would be fun to play off your choices.

I decided that I would steal Jeff's credit card because fuck that scrub and go help m'cool guy Rahvin.

>HI HELLO YES I AM LEVEL GRRR I AM ANGRY I DID NOT COME PREPARED BECAUSE I WANTED TO LOOK SWAGGIN. ALSO I BOUGHT YOU CIGS BECAUSE I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE CIGS. I THINK."

"naww homie ur fine :) thx for cumming bby<33 lets just get moving plox"

>K

>RAHVIN?

>>RAHVIN?

>>>RAHVIN?

"sorry homie... wife took over my adventure :/ im back tho!!"

and so we set off on our GRAND ADVENTURE to become hopscotch masters of the world.

I simply can't wait to do more of this... I'm gonna be writing stories at work all day.

Wooooot!

Yeah, heck with that scrub Jeff. Him and his taking you to a Baseball game and generally being a helpful dude. It's Adventure Time.

Also, I love you impersonated me <333 I love it bby.