Live Text Adventure Night 7

[20:59] == Tateos [webchat@ip68-9-255-65.ri.ri.cox.net] has joined #hello-operator
[20:59] == mode/#hello-operator [+nt] by webchat.esper.net
[20:59] == mode/#hello-operator [-o Tateos] by ChanServ
[21:49] == SirPwn [webchat@r49-2-6-207.cpe.vividwireless.net.au] has joined #hello-operator
[21:49] Shiiiiyet
[21:49] Am I late?
[21:59] == jon [~jon@cpe-173-173-10-41.hot.res.rr.com] has joined #hello-operator
[21:59] == mode/#hello-operator [+o jon] by ChanServ
[21:59] == mode/#hello-operator [+o Tateos] by jon
[22:00] oh hai
[22:00] I am here with walkinator
[22:00] so we might do evangeliquest
[22:00] is walkinator here in spirit?
[22:00] no, I'm at his house. He's sitting next to me
[22:01] "stroking my dick"
[22:01] -walkinator
[22:09] Lol
[22:09] Also yo Jon
[22:11] pfft
[22:11] we definitely aren't browsing reddit
[22:11] nope
[22:12] Omg u reddit fgt u suck nerd #420 #yolo #swag
[22:12] ps. I have no idea why everyone hates reddit, what even is with that
[22:12] == Ptero [webchat@MW-ESR1-72-49-36-228.fuse.net] has joined #hello-operator
[22:13] hello
[22:13] haldo
[22:13] it won't let me respond to you on steam tat
[22:13] huh
[22:13] odd
[22:13] it says you're offline
[22:13] Hey petro
[22:13] hey sirpwn
[22:14] by the way, Walk and I are sitting on the same couch making sweet, sweet love, so some of these jokes are going to be mine and some are going to be his
[22:14] minus the sweet, sweet love
[22:14] our love is salty
[22:15] oh my
[22:16] we will be right back
[22:16] and then we will probably start
[22:16] hopefully more people will show up
[22:17] but we're going to go get drinks of some kind
[22:17] let's hope so
[22:17] because im only gonna be here for like an hour probz
[22:17] walk wants me to make more gay jokes
[22:17] aww
[22:18] edgy
[22:24] == Cryotech [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has joined #hello-operator
[22:24] hey AJ
[22:24] aaaaaay
[22:25] wow is nobody really talking or am I crazy.
[22:26] i'm just waiting for tat to start
[22:26] hopefully soon before i fall asleep on my keyboard
[22:27] I wish I remembered my irccount.
[22:30] == Cryotech [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has quit [Ping timeout: 180 seconds]
[22:32] == Cryotech [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has joined #hello-operator
[22:33] back
[22:33] is anyone else, thats the question.
[22:33] i'm still here
[22:33] that's about it
[22:33] ;_;
[22:34] ah. well fuck.
[22:34] brb getting drunk off my ass before this starts
[22:35] Not really, but still.
[22:35] GOD DAMMIT TAT WAKE UP:c
[22:36] I fucking hate not having an actual computer
[22:36] okay it's my bedtime now
[22:36] == Ptero [webchat@MW-ESR1-72-49-36-228.fuse.net] has quit [Quit: Web client closed]
[22:36] MOTHERFUCK
[22:37] == Cryotech [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has quit [Quit: Web client closed]
[22:38] Gfdi
[22:38] I always bring this back up just after AJ dc's
[22:38] Aaand I missed perto
[22:38] fuck this shit :c
[22:39] == Cryotech [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has joined #hello-operator
[22:40] still nothing
[22:40] hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng
[22:41] HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI
[22:41] we're back
[22:42] wait
[22:42] AJ
[22:42] IS THAT YOU
[22:43] == Cryotech [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has quit [Ping timeout: 180 seconds]
[22:43] dammit
[22:43] hello
[22:43] is anyone there
[22:44] me
[22:44] And I missed AJ again lol
[22:44] == Cryotech [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has joined #hello-operator
[22:44] Yo AJ
[22:45] I return once more!
[22:45] ey!
[22:45] 'Sup dudemanbro
[22:45] hai
[22:45] Walkinator are here
[22:45] if i stop acknowledging other messages, thats just my wifi fucking up.
[22:45] i meant to say walkinator and I are here
[22:46] he's on the couch next to me
[22:46] we're going to cohost
[22:46] nothing much, just not having an actual computer
[22:46] (Pics or it didn't happen)
[22:46] Also yay computers
[22:47] yes, the world needs more tatfro pictures
[22:47] hold on
[22:47] we will
[22:48] so this is a dumb question but how was everyones loveday?
[22:48] p. boring IIRC
[22:48] jokes on you, I can barely load pictures at all.
[22:49] okay
[22:49] I hate not having steam also D:
[22:49] and now
[22:49] we will start
[22:50] ps
[22:50] GLORIOUS OCCASION
[22:50] I have a random lost kitten we found onthe road on my lap
[22:50] it's purring and licking me
[22:51] I found a box of kittens once.
[22:51] You awaken in a puddle of your own piss after your normal blackout from praying absurdly hard for 48 hours without a break.
[22:51] Unfortunately, you cannot remember your name
[22:52] "What is my name?" you ask Jesus.
[22:52] >_
[22:52] > Walkinator's Mom
[22:52] way too young to be away from their mother but I took em in. I have a soft spot for cats.
[22:52] Also that is cute as hell
[22:53] okay, um. Let's go with roost visage.
[22:53] > Anime-chan
[22:53] Roost Visage is the best name, and 7957% not a joke.
[22:55] (roost visage is fancy for dickface)
[22:57] Alts: Rod Johnson, Tim Yalderson, Other Name
[22:58] > Lancel Lannister
[22:59] Josh Christ.
[23:00] sorry, Walkinator's mom came up
[23:00] we had to stop
[23:00] relevant
[23:00] but we shall continue now
[23:00] s'alright
[23:02] Your name is WALKINATOR'S MOM
[23:02] Seriously though, who names their kid rod?
[23:02] == butts [webchat@static-50-53-34-128.bvtn.or.frontiernet.net] has joined #hello-operator
[23:03] And you have a thing for merjes-er, nothing
[23:03] Hi level
[23:03] hey butts
[23:03] == butts [webchat@static-50-53-34-128.bvtn.or.frontiernet.net] has quit [Client Quit]
[23:03] level does not like merjesus
[23:04] Anyway, exactly north is your sculpture of jesus made of bibles
[23:04] due south is a door
[23:05] sounds 100% reasonable
[23:05] to the east is the trap door to the MASTURBATORIUM, but you don't know about that
[23:05] to the west is nothing
[23:05] absolutely nothing
[23:05] == Cryotech [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has quit [Quit: Web client closed]
[23:06] > Head east
[23:06] > ignore trap door
[23:09] == Cryotech [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has joined #hello-operator
[23:09] the sound of a bad connection
[23:13] == Cryotech [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has quit [Ping timeout: 180 seconds]
[23:14] or > head west towards nothingness
[23:14] sorry walk's mom came back up again
[23:15] == Cryotech [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has joined #hello-operator
[23:15] >you head west, and experience a feeling similar to...
[23:15] hmm
[23:16] gfd
[23:16] http://www.hello-operator.com/t87p30-the-hoefather#1303
[23:16] similar to that
[23:17] You return to the room, and head east
[23:17] all there is is a pile of tissues and what seems to be a square crack in the ground
[23:17] But wait!
[23:18] in the corner is a Gutenburg bible
[23:18] What a find!
[23:18] it must hold magical powers
[23:18] pick it up?
[23:18] Most definitely.
[23:19] You pick up the Gutenburg Bible
[23:19] and you open it up
[23:19] >what the hell is a gutenburg bible anyway.
[23:19] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gutenberg_Bible
[23:20] == Cryotech [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has quit [Client Quit]
[23:20] you open it up, and feel as though you are beginning to ascend
[23:20] and then you notice that a hole has been cut into the ancient, holy pages
[23:21] in the space made by the crack, someone has left a butt plug
[23:21] How big of a hole are we talking here
[23:21] it has a picture of a Pony printed on it
[23:22] you are not sure if this is your's or your son's
[23:22] emparrassed, you but the bible down
[23:22] > It's your sons
[23:23] You have to talk to that boy
[23:23] Head north to your statue
[23:24] == Cryotech_ [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has joined #hello-operator
[23:25] it is a beautiful statue of Jesus.
[23:25] His succulent thighs
[23:25] oh, you're getting hot and bothered
[23:25] hey, there's a piece of paper stuck in the statue
[23:25] take?
[23:26] >Y
[23:26] you take the paper
[23:26] it is a nude picture of Merjesus
[23:26] he has a ten foot cock
[23:26] Blushing, you quickly place it in your inventory
[23:26] this one is definitely yours
[23:27] head south?
[23:27] >Y
[23:28] hnnng, I type so slow on this thing
[23:29] You head out into the hallway. There are several doors. Behind the easternmost door, you can hear your son moaning and something about a Princess Bubblegum involved in BDSM with Shutterfly, Dora the Explorer, and Ron Jeremey
[23:30] "oh Princess, you taste so delicious"
[23:30] "I love it when you chew on my anus and whip my clit"
[23:30] at that, you head to the next door
[23:30] == Cryotech [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has joined #hello-operator
[23:31] == Cryotech_ [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has quit [Ping timeout: 180 seconds]
[23:31] you hear your other son watching something about the racial superiority of turtles as opposed to the average mongoose
[23:31] it is a documentary on the history channel
[23:31] I might give up on irc soon.
[23:31] Behind the next door, there is a boiled goose
[23:32] behind the fourth door, a rainbow coalition of dancing
[23:32] everone is wearing fingerless gloves
[23:32] Who do you pester first?
[23:32] >Enter third room
[23:33] You enter the third room, and bow to your mentor and sensei, the boiled goose
[23:34] He tells you that you must purify your sons semen before he becomes a satan humping athiest
[23:34] you piss on the goose, and he thanks you
[23:35] that is one strange goose, but he is your goose
[23:35] > Consult bible on how to purify your sons semen
[23:36] you return to your sculpture of jesus, and pick out a bible from the piles
[23:36] inside is dried semen the words URANIUM POPTARTS scribbled in red pen
[23:36] wait, is that blood?
[23:37] it's not important
[23:37] You consult google on how to purify uranium
[23:37] now you are walkinator
[23:38] I might give up soon
[23:38] alright
[23:39] night guys
[23:39] 'night
[23:39] You've just awaken from your 48 hour masturbation session
[23:39] your 56 hour long princess bubblegum porn film is still playing
[23:40] you are on a bed of poptarts, empty mustard bottles, and empty pretzel bags
[23:40] nearby is a 2 meter high pile of tissues
[23:41] >Check if the poptarts are uranium poptarts
[23:41] sometimes you make a fort in those tissues, as they are held together with your adhesive semen
[23:42] one of those potarts is made of primarily Uranium-235
[23:42] == Cryotech [webchat@ool-18bef255.dyn.optonline.net] has quit [Ping timeout: 180 seconds]
[23:42] you aren't sure where you put it though
[23:42] better not step on it, you put it on a loaded moustrap
[23:43] the mice in your house are addicted to radioactive materials
[23:43] coincidentally, they hang around your tissue pile a lot
[23:43] south is a door
[23:44] north is a window plastered in, well, we won't discuss that. it's talked about plenty.
[23:45] west is the access point to your MASTURBATORIUM, where you achieved your first 257th consecutive orgasm
[23:45] what a time
[23:45] your penis looked like it had gangrene for months afterwards
[23:45] >what do
[23:46] >examine walls
[23:47] rainbows are painted all over your walls
[23:47] plus ponies, especially your favorite pony
[23:47] BOHO, THE TRANVESTITE SEX OFFENDER WITH LOW SELF ESTEEM
[23:48] [walkinator is feeding me half of these jokes, by the way. i am not being a terrible asshole]
[23:48] >what do
[23:49] >examine computer
[23:49] SUDDENLY, YOUR MOM BANGS ON THE DOOR
[23:49] panic mode
[23:50] you examine your computer
[23:52] == Tateos_ [webchat@ip68-9-255-65.ri.ri.cox.net] has joined #hello-operator
[23:52] aaaaaaaaaaaaaand damn it
[23:52] did you get the original thing
[23:52] ?
[23:53] == Tateos [webchat@ip68-9-255-65.ri.ri.cox.net] has quit [Ping timeout: 180 seconds]
[23:53] panic mode
[23:53] your mom knocks on the door
[23:53] >escape into your masturbatorium
[23:53] ringing any bells?
[23:54] quickly, you grab your computer and flee to the Masturbatorium
[23:54] IT IS A ROOM FILLED WITH DREAMS, WONDER, AND SEMEN
[23:54] mostly semen
[23:54] an asian prostitute is chained to the wall
[23:54] she begins to shout profanities at you in mandarin
[23:55] there is bubble gum stuck in her pubic hair
[23:55] oh lawdy
[23:55] you tell her you love her, but that this is not the time for foreplay
[23:56] your mom has broken into your room
[23:56] what do?
[23:56] Barricade entrance to masturbatorium
[23:57] you begin to shovel tissues in front of the door
[23:57] "WALKINATOR, JESUS HAS A FEW WORDS TO SAY...
[23:58] WITH HIS FISTS."
[23:58] she has an axe, and begins to strike the door
[23:58] the wood shatters, but your tissues hold
[23:58] SOLID AS A ROCK
[23:58] >what do
[23:59] Retrieve waifu and escape through another exit
[23:59] but first
[23:59] wait no nvm
[00:00] you grab your waifu and enter the MASTURBATORIUM BASEMENT FLOOR NO. 1.
[00:00] you haven't been here in years
[00:00] there are six dead asian prostitutes chained to the wall. you forgot to feed them.
[00:01] however, you have your one true love
[00:01] mustard
[00:01] and your waifu, too
[00:02] using a combination of grenades, dynamite, and intercontinental ballistic missiles, your mother has managed to break through your tissue wall
[00:03] can you get out through the trap door that leads in here
[00:04] well, you have to go deeper
[00:04] to basement floor 2
[00:04] you have not been down there since eighth grade
[00:04] you do not know what horrors await
[00:04] do you have any weapons in here
[00:05] yes
[00:05] your penis, which scientists have found contains weapons grade uranium
[00:05] and a shotgun
[00:06] there is a machine gun as well, but it is clogged with semen and bubblegum
[00:07] give machine gun to prostitute, equip shotgun
[00:07] your mother has begun to strike through the second layer of tissues with a pickaxe
[00:07] and a jackhammer
[00:08] and her fists
[00:08] that last one is surprising the most productive
[00:08] >now that you are prepared, descend
[00:09] you descend
[00:09] into basement two
[00:10] ps. I might have to leave in 20
[00:10] You are now a jewish mouse
[00:10] that's fine
[00:11] the only reason why you can be jewish is the result of thirty years of uranium consumption and inbreeding
[00:11] your family began to read
[00:11] > Be named Issac or Zac for short
[00:12] and an old Torah (along with several hundreds of dead asian prostitutes) is all that's down here in basement 3
[00:12] lolmakingfunofIRLpeople
[00:12] well, along with the MYSTERIOUS WALKINATOR FAMILY SECRET
[00:12] you hear shouting
[00:13] and mustard application
[00:13] your name is Isaac
[00:14] and you really wish to prevent anybody from coming down to basement 3
[00:14] human's have not been down here since walkinator's oldest brother moved out years ago
[00:14] humans*
[00:14] and you cannot flee to basement 4
[00:14] that place is hell
[00:14] you will never go down there again
[00:15] what do?
[00:15] >examine surroundings
[00:17] there is a torah, a pencil, several hundred dead asian prostitutes, decade old used tissues, posters from the nineties, powdered cement, an aquatic resevoir, and a dead pimp named Sh'qwan floating in the water. inside his pockeets is multiple packets of ketchup
[00:19] there is also a tool with which one would spread cement or ketchup
[00:20] what is the entrance to this room, a staircase or what?
[00:21] there is a spiral staircase
[00:21] but that leads no where
[00:21] nowhere
[00:21] the actual exit to that room is an elevator
[00:22] open elevator doors?
[00:23] I guess we should cement it closed if we want to prevent people from entering
[00:24] you cement the elevator doors shut
[00:24] and then some people com down the staircase
[00:25] "damn it, I could have sworn that wasn't real"
[00:25] frogmonkey, walkinator says to you
[00:25] frogmonkey.
[00:25] this man is batshit crazy
[00:25] or I'm not a literate, jewish rat
[00:25] I thought they lead nowhere :0
[00:26] wait wat
[00:27] recap: staircase was real, but you always thought it was fake. you are a jewish rat that can read, an walkinator calls you frogmonkey
[00:28] walkinator has come down to your home
[00:28] defend the home or welcome him?
________________________________________
[00:29] > welcome him
[00:29] == Omega [webchat@c-98-216-244-56.hsd1.ma.comcast.net] has joined #hello-operator
[00:29] hi
[00:29] hi
[00:30] you welcom walkinator to your home
[00:30] he promptly deficates on your torah
[00:30] D:
[00:31] and he then bangs his asian prostitute, refusing to acknowledge the piles and piles of dead prostitutes he was supposed to feed
[00:31] he vomits up an entirely new torah that looks as though it is fresh from printing
[00:32] there is no trace of it being vomit
[00:32] it is his gift of thanks
[00:32] team up?
[00:32] sure!
[00:32] >y
[00:32] Also
[00:32] I gotta go
[00:32] +
[00:32] Hi Omega!
[00:33] bye
[00:33] Hi sir!
[00:33] Bye sir!
[00:33] see you sir
[00:33] Bye Omega and Tat!
[00:33] when did you get red
[00:33] bye
[00:33] bai bai bai sir
[00:33] == SirPwn [webchat@r49-2-6-207.cpe.vividwireless.net.au] has left #hello-operator []
[00:34] welp
[00:34] i think we might leave it off here
[00:34] alrighty
[00:34] it's a good spot to end for part two
[00:34] i agree
[00:34] also it would be easier for me to catch up
[00:35] END OF EVANGELIQUEST/THE BINDING OF WALKINATOR/THE URNATION OF ISAAC ACT 1 PART 1