Obesity Quest.

You are JOSEPH McCARRY, age 22, and you are not fat. Your just a little overweight, or at least that's what you say to your mom.
Anyways, you have reached a major dilemma, you have dropped your bag of COOL RANCH DORITOS. You would get up to get them, but you can't seem to get up. Your ass seems to have morphed into the chair. You are one with the chair. Ying and Yang, as you tell your online friends. You must get those Doritos. Top priority. Seeing as you can not detach yourself from your chair, you must devise another way to escape the specially made, Swiss, titanium-reinforced seat.
Inside your NUMEROUS FAT ROLLS(inventory) you find a CHEWED UP PENCIL, a BENT PAPERCLIP, an ORANGE FRISBEE, a SKATEBOARD WHEEL, and a HALF-EATEN BICYCLE.
What do you do?

Spoiler:

Tateos wrote:You are JOSEPH McCARRY, age 22, and you are not fat. Your just a little overweight, or at least that's what you say to your mom.
Anyways, you have reached a major dilemma, you have dropped your bag of COOL RANCH DORITOS. You would get up to get them, but you can't seem to get up. Your ass seems to have morphed into the chair. You are one with the chair. Ying and Yang, as you tell your online friends. You must get those Doritos. Top priority. Seeing as you can not detach yourself from your chair, you must devise another way to escape the specially made, Swiss, titanium-reinforced seat.
Inside your NUMEROUS FAT ROLLS(inventory) you find a CHEWED UP PENCIL, a BENT PAPERCLIP, an ORANGE FRISBEE, a SKATEBOARD WHEEL, and a HALF-EATEN BICYCLE.
What do you do?

Spoiler:

CHEWED UP PENCIL + SKATEBOARD WHEEL + McGYVER (is that how it's spelt?) SKILLZ = Something to reach those Dorito's with? Also spew up the rest of that skateboard.

Spoiler:

Sit and play an online game, Wait for the future where you have them.

starve until you're only 120 lbs and end the game

> Eat self.

That way your 980-something self eats like 980 something pounds of fat-ass...

thats like double 980 something, right? :D

[in progress on espernet]

[23:04] You are JOSEPH McCARRY, age 22, and you are not fat. Your just a little overweight, or at least that's what you say to your mom. Anyways, you have reached a major dilemma, you have dropped your bag of COOL RANCH DORITOS. You would get up to get them, but you can't seem to get up. Your ass seems to have morphed into the chair. You are one with the chair. Ying and Yang, as you tell your online friends. You must get those Doritos. Top priority. Seeing as you can not detach yourself from your chair, you must de
[23:04] you must devise another way to escape the specially made, Swiss, titanium-reinforced seat. Inside your NUMEROUS FAT ROLLS(inventory) you find a CHEWED UP PENCIL, a BENT PAPERCLIP, an ORANGE FRISBEE, a SKATEBOARD WHEEL, and a HALF-EATEN BICYCLE. What do you do?
[23:05] Hmm
[23:06] > Vomit
[23:07] -->You vomit, releasing numerous objects from the grand prison that is your digestive system.
[23:07] ->These items include:
[23:07] ->1 CROBAR
[23:08] ->10 POUNDS OF URANIUM-235
[23:08] ->1 DVD OF THE FIRST SEASON OF STAR TREK
[23:09] ->and 1 AMERICAN FLAG
[23:09] ->What do you do?
[23:10] > Use CROBAR to retrieve DORITOS
[23:12] -->You attempt to lift the crobar, but you lack any form of muscle to do so. During your attempt at lifting said crobar, you realized that crowbar is spelled with a w. You also knock it off of your stomach, and it falls to the floor.
[23:12] ->Now what?
[23:13] > Eat URANIUM-235 to gain superpowers
[23:13] -->While trying to eat the URANIUM-235, your teeth crumble into a rotting pound of flesh. Damn you, hygiene.
[23:15] ->Your FAT ROLLS contain: 1 CHEWED UP PENCIL, 1 BENT PAPERCLIP, 1 ORANGE FRISBEE, 1 SKATEBOARD WHEEL, 1 HALF-EATEN BICYCLE, 1 DVD OF THE FIRST SEASON OF STAR TREK, 1 AMERICAN FLAG, AND 10 POUNDS OF URANIUM-235.

>Use uranium to irradiate the fat off of your body. Or something.