Why being a pub medic is fucking bullshit

I main medic. I am a good medic. The first problem here is that most players on pubs can not tell the difference between the good medic and the bad medic.

So let's take a common example: 4 gibus brass beast heavies on offense, and you're trying to destroy a sentry nest. Ok, shouldn't be too hard, right?

...Right?

Except it IS HARD. IT IS EXTREMELY HARD. Pop the uber on one of the heavies, and what does he do? Walk while spinning his gun all the way up to the sentry, and then try to kill a bonk'd scout.

So why not just uber someone else? The answer to that question lies in the fact that there are 3 SNIPERS and 2 SPIES, or 4 ENGINEERS. ON OFFENSE. But offensive engineers aren't always a bad thing. In fact, they can be extremely helpful... Except when they all build level three sentries in the same spot at spawn and build teleports going from spawn to the shack just outside of spawn.

It's dangerous to be a medic on a pub. Most players will not protect you. 100% uber? Let's let the medic burn to death while eating a sandvich RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. It's not like an uber is important when trying to take out sentries anyways. The pyro vision medic with the kritzkreig is just as good.

Except that's wrong, you fucking retard.

Now, what about defense? Sometimes defense can be somewhat easier, considering you will most likely have 5 engineers who will all build mini sentries in the same spot and mindlessly upgrade their dispenser while everyone around them dies. Oh wait.

There's also a high chance that your team will have no engineers, and 37 scouts. What can the medic do in that situation, besides try to kill people himself? ...Nothing. Killing the average pub player isn't too difficult as a medic, unless there's a sentry. Or two. Or an autistic heavy who is in the MOST RANDOM SPOT ON THE MAP.

Sometimes you will get lucky, and an unusual super 1337 pro demo with a hale's own sticky launcher will join the game... And then join the other team... And then kritz camp your spawn while all 8 of your snipers try to shoot arrows at him.

BUT WAIT? AREN'T THERE SERVERS BESIDES PUBS? SERVERS WHERE A HIGHER SKILL LEVEL IS REQUIRED? The answer is no, there are no fucking servers like that, unless you want to join a lobby filled with cunts. Because if you knew of such a server, you would not be playing on 24/7 2fort.

Unless you're me, in which case you just WANT TO ENJOY THE GAME without having unusuals kick you in the balls on a PRO server or die repeatedly to just about everyone else on a regular server.

Don't play medic. Unless you have a friend who will protect you. Or unless that unusual-wearing cunt is on your team. Or unless you have the luck of the irish and can crit ubersaw people all day errday.

Spoiler:

I've never played medic in tf2, in the like 30 or so hours I've played it.

I think I've played Pyro the most, but I dunno. In an attempt to not be that guy who just charges forward while using his flamethrower, I don't move forward when attacking as Pyro. This is stupid. I eventually reached the point where I accepted that I'm never gonna be good at tf2.

This post made me laugh hard as fuck. I'm a lowly pub player but I still have fun with it. I think I've only got about 60 hours logged to tf2 or so. Everything you said is true, and hilarious. That loadout is sexy tooooo!

Thank you for your kind words. I try to keep my med pimpin at all times.

Now, for my next segment.

WHY HATS ARE BULLSHIT

Hats, as we all know, are a large part of tf2. They give other players an idea of how you play, and how big your dick is. People will pay money for hats; whether it be from the store, other players, or buying games BECAUSE OMG PROMO ITEMS HRRRNGGGG.

HAT TIER:

Ghastlierest Gibus: While still a Gibus, this is an OLDER gibus. Most players who have these would have actually bought the game, meaning you should think more of them than the ones wearing the

GHASTLY Gibus: The 2011, and most popular Gibus. While it is possible that players wearing these aren't f2p, they are still wearing them and you should most likely ignore them.

GHOSTLY Gibus: F2P. Noobs. Newbs. Scrubs. Don't rely on anyone wearing this, unless they have PROVEN THEMSELVES.

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Hats that aren't actually hats and achievment hats. These include the World Traveler, Mann Co. Cap, Spiral knights hat, and that weird alien parasite thing, among others. Yes, these are hats. But they are extremely low tier hats that in most cases do not cost any money, meaning that all who wear them ARE F2P NOOB cool guys CANCER THAT ARE RUINING TF2.

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Hats. Just normal hats. There are many kinds of hats. You should probably pay attention to players wearing a regular hat. They might not stand in the path of rockets and die as soon as the round starts.

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Bills/Team Captain. Wearing these instantly makes you a PRO. YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES YOU EVEN MORE OF A PRO? USING PAINT ON YOUR BILLS. THE PROEST OF THE PROS USE TEAM SPIRIT.

The Team Captain also makes you a hardcore motherfucker. You see that medic wearing the Team Captain, Quadwrangler, and Archimedes? Yeah. Don't fuck with him. He and his 1337 strange Tomislav Heavy mean BUSINESS.

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Unusuals. Pretty straight forward. Having an unusual of any kind makes you a God. If you do have one, you should join a valve server with your strange stock weapon so that you can ASSERT YOUR DOMINANCE over the other players. Don't worry about medics, you will have at least 15 of them riding your dick at all times.

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BMOC, Holiday Headcase, and MORE. These hats are actually pretty cool and if you see someone wearing them then you should stick with them like GLUE. Unless they are on the other team, that is. In which case you should avoid them.

Bitchin about tf2 is fun.

Chobits Gameboy wrote:GHOSTLY Gibus: F2P. Noobs. Newbs. Scrubs. Don't rely on anyone wearing this, unless they have PROVEN THEMSELVES.

This is like the only hat i have :(

The Alpha and wrote:

Chobits Gameboy wrote:GHOSTLY Gibus: F2P. Noobs. Newbs. Scrubs. Don't rely on anyone wearing this, unless they have PROVEN THEMSELVES.

This is like the only hat i have :(

I had one, but I learned soon enough to trash it since that's literally what anyone will think if they see you wearing one. I'm a f2p'er, but I've learned not to mention that. I do get frustrated some times playing pubs because some people are truly idiots, but I don't think I've played enough to not consider myself one. I mostly like to just fuck around and not worry too much. Ruining other people's fun can be hilarious at times.

I am on a lobby, right? If you don't know, a lobby is a shit tier place where snobs go to practice for competitive.

6v6 badlands, playing med, yada yada yada.

Team is constantly yelling at me to buff the demo first at rollout. That's kinda hard, though. Considering I am constantly being body blocked by two scouts and can't move in order to get my heal beam on the demo. Oh, what's that? Scout flanks from behind and takes out both me and my shitty pocket soldier? It's the medic's fault, obviously.

Team is getting raped and I make the smart move and get the fuck out of there? NOPE. Should have stayed in there and healed the lone scout who was trying to go up against a demo/med combo.

So apparently I suck at competitive medic.

Haha

hahahaha

hahahahahaha

Cunts.

Neko Professor wrote:Cunts.

Eloquent and absolutely the truth about most players.

I'm such a noob at this game.

What was that one game I played for 5 minutes once? Hrm..spark! Aktve, did you ever play spark?

PFft I just ask you in turntable, we chillin right now. All the rest of you neegs should get up in here. We goin crazy in here with our mad chillin, back to pub medic thread.

There's no doubt that medic is the worst and best class to play.

The worst because, well, yeah. People blame medics for a team's downfall, when they're at the top of the scoreboard. I never play medic because one of the kritscast guys kinda just blew every gasket he had for not giving him an uber I never had.

The best because, if you SOMEHOW have a very nice team, they might actually praise you for doing good as a medic. One of the best feelings in tf2 is both being the keystone for your team and being acknowledged for it.

Hats are basically bullshit. No hat makes you any more or less skilled, even if awful players for whatever reason trend towards gibus goggles.

Competitive is goddamn awful. I can't find it fun because I'm a far sillier player than comp calls for. I consider myself to be around the basic skill level for a private server player.

I dunno I mean sometime's a get a good team where the guys with the unusuals thank me and whatnot but it's always weird because we end up basically camping other team's spawn and it's not really fun.

Sometimes I play on STAR's server and they are all SUPER SRS so unless I'm constantly healing them and not getting killed then they are constantly bitching at me.

They also don't like Vaccinator and that makes me hate them.

Wow I really like Medi Guns.

I used to have a Diamond botkiller, which I sold alongside my Team Captain and Quadwrangler for hats and different medic stranges.

Strange Stock Medi Gun named 'Chance Of Being Backstabbed'.

Strange Quick-Fix which I want to name 'The Battle Medic's Bootlegger', in relation to my v. crossbow's name.

Strange Carbonado Botkiller which is unnamed.

Strange Rust Botkiller which is named 'Build Me Up, Buttercup'.

Festive Medi Gun named 'The Gift of Life', with it's description being: 'Take pride in your longevity by taking the life of another'.

Vaccinator which I CRAFTED MYSELF AND FEEL BAD FOR NOT NAMING ;______;

and then the SUPER RARE OMG Vintage Kritzkrieg.

I need a fucking strange kritz.