Macabre

"What happens after you die?"
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In a dark alley, there stands a young boy, no more than 14 years of age, absolutely soaked with blood. A dark expression dances across his face.

What is this young gentleman's name?

Kill R. Hammer

Gary Vasquez

Ser Derpington wrote:Kill R. Hammer

Under consideration, my good man.

a Moderator wrote:Gary Vasquez

Until the judges have fully considered that first name, we will use this, shall we?
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You are Gary Vasquez, or, as your friends know you, Killerhammer (I guess). You have just committed a brutal murder. All that's left of the guy is a femur and bits of gristle. You never really liked gristle. You are, as established, covered in blood.

What do you do?

> take a shower

a Moderator wrote:> take a shower

What? In the alley? You are probably more than five or six blocks away from your house.

> use a hose

a Moderator wrote:> use a hose

After a few seconds of scrubbing, you are clean. Not sure what to do about your clothes though. Blood is notoriously hard to get out of jeans.

> it doesn't matter, after all it's nighttime and you don't have white jeans

a Moderator wrote:> it doesn't matter, after all it's nighttime and you don't have white jeans

I guess you're right.

Now what?

> go home

>murder somebody else and use their blood on your clothes so it looks like your clothes are supposed to be red and are not covered in blood

>Take off your blood soaked clothes and walk home naked. Obviously.

a Moderator wrote:> go home

Sure.

Ptero wrote:>murder somebody else and use their blood on your clothes so it looks like your clothes are supposed to be red and are not covered in blood

impeccable logic

Ser Derpington wrote:>Take off your blood soaked clothes and walk home naked. Obviously.

As much as you'd like the feeling of the night breeze on your man parts, you're pretty sure it's illegal. Of course, you just killed and ate a person, so you might not have much of a moral compass left.
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You are standing on your porch. The reason you're not inside is because you're locked out.

Now what?

> Find a rock and break open a window.

Ser Derpington wrote:> Find a rock and break open a window.

Why would you break a window? It's your house. Plus it would wake up your parents, who would probably be pissed you broke a window AND killed a man.

>Well breaking open a window COULD help you get in, and the rock could help you deal with your parents. But if you wanted a non-violent (boring) solution then I guess you should consult the other voices in your head.

Ser Derpington wrote:>Well breaking open a window COULD help you get in, and the rock could help you deal with your parents. But if you wanted a non-violent (boring) solution then I guess you should consult the other voices in your head.

Voices in your head? Hmmm...

"mUtHaFuCkIn mIrAcLeS mAn :o)"

hell naw

Well, I guess your current voice's plan could work...
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"trust noone. feed."
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Oh jesus christ you actually did it.

What now?

>What did you actually do exactly?

Ser Derpington wrote:>What did you actually do exactly?

It could be referred to attempted matricide and patricide, but it could also be classified as batshit insane.

Oh so he actually busted the window in and killed/attempted to kill them?

Ser Derpington wrote:Oh so he actually busted the window in and killed/attempted to kill them?

Yup.

>I'm assuming you ate most of the remains. Light the fireplace and burn the rest, then try to find something to clean the blood.

Ser Derpington wrote:>I'm assuming you ate most of the remains. Light the fireplace and burn the rest, then try to find something to clean the blood.

Uh, this isn't your house. You just broke into some random house and ate two innocent people.